why is ideal a total failure?

When a person fails in every aspect in his life all the while, he needs to speculate on the reasons. Before that, We need to define and understand the standard of success, but that is meaningless and will result in vain.

Why does the one who wants to be different finally be the most secular, why is it true that what we get is what we lost.

In the past 3 years, ideal is really a total failure, used to be a frustrated monitor when in sophomore, failed in the contest of getting admission to cas, failed in the application of gsoc, made the same mistakes what appeared in my high school repeatedly, and even failed to get the correct graphic card driver working in archlinux, …

I used to rarely care for the feeling of my parents, and feel guilty about what i had done and made them grieved in high school.

I used to set on the side of the brook in our village, staring at the flowing water, and an afternoon passed, with no answer and nothing changed.

Through the windows of the dormitory, i can see the crest of siyuan buildind and the six characters, still feel perplexed.

Well, to make efforts does not mean gaining recognition, and what i have done is zero.

It is the time for me to rethink about myself and world view(?), though it will be a painful travel.